NAVIGATING YOUR 20’S
Struggling to navigate your 20's, and not really sure what it all means? AFRG's founder gets down and personal, offering her advice and methods for coping in the modern world.
As I write this blog entry, I sit on my small bite size sofa in my room, while I remind myself that I am very fortunate to live in London, I sometimes lack the self-expression of achievement and enjoyment that life has to offer. It’s not that I don’t feel pride and happiness, we all have a journey to tell, but the daunting reality of being a 20 something can in fact dim even the brightest of stars.
I remember listening to an interview with musician Olivia Roderigo when she released her debut album ‘SOUR’ and described the many intense feelings during writing ‘Driving License’, which went onto to swoon many of our hearts including mine, longing for the nostalgia of first love gone array.
There are also research studies to go alongside assumptions claiming we’re the unhappiest generation with different values and mindsets today. While our mindsets have changed through the generations, I think it’s not so much we want different things than our predecessors, what we yearn for is to be seen, understood, provided a seat at the table and championed.
Prior to sitting on my sofa, I spent the afternoon in Hyde Park, a place I often frequent when my thoughts get too busy even for me to comprehend. I listened to a podcast with author Meg Jay and her book “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them”, discussing the realities of being 20 and why if we don’t set the groundwork now, it can be harder sometimes later on.
This article is a special one, for all those who have yet to discover their purpose, or if you have like me, but are still trying to navigate what this means going forward….lets figure it out together.
Education:
If you have ever heard me speak on a podcast, or read about my journey in creating AFRG CLUB, you may know that my background isn’t what you would expect from a cyber security expert turned blogger. I studied Criminology and gained two degrees at undergraduate and postgraduate level. The latter achieved during the COVID-19 pandemic; also known as the lost years of our youth. But it wasn’t all bad, I had time to think, I submerged myself into a lot of self-study, learning all about cyber security, the different roles, and how I might want to explore this as a career.
I like to shout it from the rooftops, and think it is so important to understand your primary studies may not be what you stick to later down the road, and THAT IS OKAY. Some people train for years in their chosen field and just know it is the career path they will stick to. I think to have an in-depth insight at such a young age is invaluable, and I applaud anyone who has this mindset.
On the flip side, people who reside in the bucket of exploration like me, may end up figuring out their real dreams and passions a little later in life. The age of 25/26 might seem like prime time for getting to grips with who you want to be, your place in society, and whether your job will be an act of service rather than consumed by a typical 9-5 mindset. However, for me, this was a time where I really felt behind compared to my peers who seemed to have it all figured out, especially my relatively new venture in blogging (almost a year coming up since I put my thoughts on the big screen).
Food for thought, I think some of the best ideas, challenges, and overcoming obstacles naturally take place when you tune into yourself, and after gaining experience in life in all its glory and pain points.
Getting a degree means you can experiment and learn about a topic by immersing yourself for a few years, while you become your ideal self. But never underestimate the power of freedom and thinking differently. It’s okay to change course overtime, our lives by the end will be so varied in skillset, and mindset that our goals shift in line with a completely new vision we haven’t even thought about yet.
Nothing is set in stone, and likewise nothing is off limits. Even if you don’t study a particular topic or even go to University, why not take the extra course, do outsider learning (I learnt the foundations of cyber security by myself and went onto apply it in the workplace), read about a wide-range of subjects and remind yourself that education is all around us, and we have the opportunity to continue being inspired by that; degree or no degree.
What about if you gave yourself a chance to do it right?
People look at their failures as moments in time with no return. What about if you had the chance to do it again and this time get it right? This isn’t to say the first time around you got it wrong, however there are lessons to be had for what we deem as failures, and they turn out to be pretty good life lessons.
I attended a networking event recently and spoke with a woman about public speaking, let’s call her ‘Susan’. Susan told me because she hadn’t done any public speaking for around 8-9 years, the thought of doing it made her nervous, unsure of how to do it right.
I shared my own journey with public speaking to Susan and reminded her that maybe the first time around wasn’t the right time, what if its her time now to explore public speaking, now that she has more experience in life, she could apply all she has learnt in the 8-9 years gap.
My journey with public speaking began 3 years ago, starting with uncontrollable fear of judgement, and an overall lack of self confidence and understanding of what I bring to the table. I had no idea that each time I messed up in a presentation, got too scared to speak, let the fear of failure stop me from progressing, I was actually progressing all along. With each failure to stop the anxiousness I felt, I was getting more aligned with my body’s reaction to public speaking. I just didn’t know that at the time.
Fast forward three years, I welcome the sudden rush I feel before I present, because it shows I care about my life, the moment I am about to enter and that I want the audience to come along with me on the journey I am about to take.
I think giving yourself a chance to do it right means accepting that life happens, we don’t wake up and get to do what we want to do all the time. Sometimes we must do the nitty gritty bits, the unexciting mundane tasks of the day. But if we take a minute to reflect on the challenging times, without regret and instead as a chance to maybe give it another go, try again, what stops you?
Mindset and attitude:
Being your own champion and having the confidence to go it alone while you figure out who you want to be in this world is probably the most challenging part of being a 20 something. This section is for the entrepreneurs and side hustlers out there.
‘Taking the Road Less Travelled’ is my favourite quote, I have it written by the side of my monitor at home, I often paraphrase it in public when discussing my career journey, it is five words I always come back to when I am facing a cross-roads in life. What does it mean? It means having the courage to think outside the box, so much of our 20’s is about fitting in with a certain crowd, following trends, listening to the right music, listening to the right podcast, watching the latest series on Netflix, and tuning into the Hot Girl Summer book club.
Disclaimer: I love doing all these things, BUT I also love thinking freely, having the passion and enthusiasm to say no to places, people and events that no longer serve me, and tune into what I enjoy doing, which is blogging, networking, and public speaking.
We all have our own vices, the most remarkable thing about being a 20 something is you really get a chance to explore all avenues, and build your own creativity. Mindset and attitude for me means being daring, authentic, challenging and having my own set of values that align with my goals.
While I admit, this only really started to take shape for me over the last few years, whichever stage you’re at in your 20’s, know that it is okay to think differently, want different things than your peers and explore multiple avenues outside of your circle.
Providing yourself room to explore:
When I was younger, I used to watch a TV programme called “location, location, location” which focused on couples taking the leap to resettle abroad to another country outside of the UK.
It might sound cliché, but looking back I can’t help but think what about getting to know your own front door first?
Now I know we are talking about a very light hearted scenario where couples are looking to switch up their home lives for a place in the sun…..BUT the same really does apply in life.
Getting to know who you are, where you fit in, and who you want to be matters.
We often teach in public speaking, the power of visualising yourself giving a speech, presentation, or workshop, whatever it might be, and take a minute to close your eyes and think yourself into existence. The same applies long-term, how you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 5 years and so forth will help you to create the building blocks and put in the required effort to think yourself into the present. It will also help you to explore gaps in your own knowledge, and as I mentioned in the beginning, never underestimate the power of continuous learning, and investing in your passion projects.
It’s never too late to explore and try something new. Providing yourself room means you take away space in your mind that maybe would otherwise is telling you no you can’t have it all, your dreams are too big, or you have a good thing going so why would you want anything else?
Truth is, providing yourself room is hard, you might find out you take up a lot of space and this might not be welcomed by everyone. But if providing yourself room is what it takes to allow yourself to shine brighter than you have ever before, and pursue life on your own terms, surely its worth it?
Breaking up with your thoughts:
Being a 20 something Is not for the faint hearted, it’s hard out here. Living in London has taught me that while the hustle and bustle of the grind never stops….just go to Oxford Street or Leicester Square on a Saturday at noon and you will see why central is not always the most convenient spot to frequent; it is important to take breaks. I am not the biggest advocate for this due to having multiple streams of projects on the go, so a ‘break’ for me is either writing, blogging, attending events on weekends, or trying to read a few book chapters before it’s time to hit the pillow and do it all again the next day.
In all honesty taking a break for people who need stimulation consistently is tough….BUT whatever it is you like to do in your free time, make sure you do it regularly. Giving yourself a break also means checking in with yourself, writing down your to do list and ticking things off once they have been completed, or making sure to congratulate yourself when something goes planned AND most importantly not being too hard on yourself when something doesn’t go the way you wanted it to.
Giving yourself a break doesn’t necessarily have to mean switching off or zoning out which can often in my case lead to procrastination. It really means removing the self-judgment and criticism. We all have it at some point in our lives, but remember the thoughts you think about yourself, if you wouldn’t say them to a friend or family member, colleague or acquaintance then is it really something you should be saying to yourself?
Going the extra mile for you:
In a bitter sweet end to this blog (bonus section below), I am going to leave you with my final nuggets of wisdom from my time being a 20 something (I still have a few years left, but it really does feel like I have lived a lifetime in this decade already).
If I have learnt anything over the last few years it is about being present, staying with the hard times and welcoming all of life’s challenges.
Life isn’t always going to give you endless streams of success, but what it is going to give you if you let it, is the opportunity to put your best self forward, climb the tallest mountains (metaphorically speaking), mess it all up one day, and get it right the next, face up to your reality and understand that you have a place here. You get to go the extra mile if you want to. You don’t have to, and it’s okay not to, but if you want and aspire to shine a little brighter, think differently, have purpose and care about the world around you then opportunities will come knocking and it's up to you to be ready when they do.
Going the extra mile for you is open to your own interpretation. For me this means putting in the extra time and effort on the really bad days when I don’t have any motivation in me, but I still try my best and make my peace with the outcome.
Goin the extra mile can mean putting yourself first and giving it a go anyway, after all what have you got to lose?
BONUS:
Saturn Return, Spirituality and Experiencing the ‘Middle Phase’ in Life
For the last year, I have set my phone wallpaper to an image of my younger self (aged no more than 5). This is a trick recommended to people wanting to align their current self and previous self as part of inner child healing. I hadn’t looked at this image in years and came across it in an old photo album of mine lying around.
Nowadays I like many other store endless streams of photos on my phone, so it is quite nostalgic and freeing to still have hard copies of my youth. I am only in my late 20’s, so the idea of ‘youth’ is still very much present, but looking back it amazes me how much time passes.
Saturn Return – normally takes place every 29.5 years, I started to feel this in 2023 after turning 27. For women our frontal cortex has usually fully developed by this time, and to put it bluntly life gets a bit more real. No more faking it until you make it.
To break it down further, Saturn Return means the alignment of planets, with Saturn taking 29.5 years to complete one full orbit around the sun and return to the spot it was first born. Call it life lessons, epiphany, spiritual awakening, or new opportunities to get grounded; but towards the latter part of your 20’s is a time to acknowledge and remove any negative associations and start planting your seeds for the future.
Good news? Once you’re in it, you must eventually come out of it and move on with your life.
Not so good news? Those currently in their Saturn Return like me have until approximately 13 February 2026 until we can breathe a sweet sense of relief.
Becoming more attuned to life and yourself means ultimately letting go of the version you thought it would play out to be, and aligning with what is actually going on for you. For example, If your friends are no longer serving your purpose, and thus you no longer provide them with what they need to grow, should you both stick around or give each other a break, and does this mean forever? Likewise, if you are thinking about making a career change, but are unsure what the road ahead looks like, should you dive in feet first and figure it out along the way, or stay where you are and risk future regret?
Otherwise known as ‘the middle phase’, this part of your journey can be characterised by exploring ways to cope with inner emotional confusion and finding a new meaning. As I have mentioned throughout, a shift in emotions, mindset and values can be expected as you take on new responsibilities and priorities. This can be a time of personal growth and self-discovery, creating a sense of disconnect with peers and life around you.
My advice? Stick with it, whatever your situation, it is happening FOR YOU and not to you.
